Sometimes I Think Everyone Hates Me

Feeling of everyone hating you anxiety post

 

It’s 5:22am as I sit down at my desk, with my cappuccino in hand, to write this article. After lying in bed for an hour, wide awake, stressed about a message I received, I find myself no longer being able to fall back into a somber sleep. Why? Because I think everybody hates me.

 

It’s a funny world we live in. And when I say “funny” I really mean: peculiar, bizarre, expeditious, and sometimes just plain sad. We live in a country where there is more opportunity than ever, yet we’re chained to a small device once claimed to have the power to change communication as we know it. As I was scrolling through Facebook this morning, while I couldn’t sleep due to my anxiety, I came across a ted-talk video, almost as if it were a sign from a higher power, telling me “you need to see this”. It read “Are you a highly anxious person? Do you find yourself unable to get a good nights sleep? Are you browsing your phone constantly? Well, I’m here to tell you that your phone is a direct correlation to your anxiety.” *Boom*! I always knew in the back of my mind that this was true but right as I was experiencing that anxious emotion, that I know all too well, it somehow hit harder.

 

I blame my anxiety partly on my phone/ social media, but also partly on my experiences. I was kind of a shit head back in the day- got myself into lots of trouble, spoke when I shouldn’t have, was too open with everyone and shared way too much of my own thoughts and feelings. And got shit on and screwed over because of it. Of course, the silver lining was that I learned to be more guarded with people, but I still find myself constantly questioning things. Whether or not I should post this story, whether or not I should share this message, whether or not I should email that girl. It’s like my head is a ping pong table and my brain is the ball. Like most people, we tend to focus on the negative. There can be a hundred nice things said to you and one bad, and all we will focus on is the one bad comment. It’s the way we are- we focus on the negative. Psychologists have studied this for centuries. It’s because ‘our brain reacts more strongly to the negative’¹.

 

 

For example, early this morning, when I checked my phone, my anxiety shot through the roof because even though I’m already constantly questioning whether or not I should share something, someone else told me not to. Yesterday morning I shared a rather hasty email from a brand who was asking for a lot with very little return. I’ve shared this once or twice before because, to me, I feel it’s important to share these examples with fellow bloggers who might just be starting out. Do not work for free. I think because there are brands who have gotten away with taking advantage time and time again, it stunts those who request payment from these companies. Not only that but I feel that no-one should have to be required to post, write, share, and research a product when the return is so little. I don’t think that’s right and it’s always frustrated me.

A watch company is just one of the many examples who do this. They offer you a free $100 watch in return for 6 IG posts, exclusivity, swipe up features, etc. And I, myself, have made that mistake where you sign the contract and a month later you’re like “shit”. Because it’s exciting when you’re first starting out! Like “OMG a brand wants to work with me!!” But we all learn and I want to share these experiences/ examples with others so they don’t make the same mistakes. Of course, then my brain is going back and forth, thinking, maybe it’s not a good idea- you don’t want to come across as an angry or rude person, which I often feel I do when I’m so open. And then we’re back in the never-ending circle and anxiety starts. So yesterday, I shared this example, already thinking maybe I shouldn’t have, and someone messages me to tell me that’s not a good idea because, as someone who works in influencer reach outs, I look difficult to work with. Now she said this with the best of intentions, there was no irritability or disrespect in her tone; she was just looking out, but here I am, reading this, with my anxiety being shot through the roof.

 

For those who don’t have anxiety, reading this you’re probably thinking “what a psycho, who cares”, but for those who do have it, it’s a very real, raw feeling. One that is difficult to escape from once it’s in your head. Sometimes I think I took the wrong career path. Being that social media is a direct correlation to my job, I have to be able to have thicker skin because everybody’s got something to say and everyone’s got an opinion. I should be able to be strong enough to ignore “the haters” or even just suggested opinions, and, to be honest, the haters bother me much less than those who give their opinions because it’s like this person is telling me something that I’ve already thought of in my head. Almost as if they’re confirming your insecure thoughts about yourself or your decisions. Then I think, “does everyone else feel this way?” If one person thinks it, everyone must. It’s a vicious cycle. Of course, as with anyone, I have my positive moments. Moments where I’m feeling confident and self-assured, like right after I finish a great gym session or I’m around my partner/ friends {surrounding yourself with good people is so important}.

 

So why do I feel like I’m hated by everyone when so many others feel the same way? If that were true, everyone in this world would hate everyone. I think it’s because we are constantly seeing things on social media subconsciously telling us we’re not enough. This girl is prettier than me, this girl travels 24-7, this couple is so perfect, this guy probably thinks I’m trying too hard. Where does it end? Everyone struggles with something. Everyone. Even your idol has something he/she struggles with. I struggle with the fact that I feel I share too much; because of my past experiences I’m always overtly aware of this. So I either overly share one day and then go dark for 3 days after or I’ll share something and then delete it a while later. And this leads to me thinking everyone probably hates me because I’m someone who naturally thinks in a negative manner, and when I talk about this or that, I come off as rude. There’s such a fine line with sharing things online and sharing too much. I struggle with it daily. But focusing on what you believe to be true is ultimately the most important thing and having to remind yourself of this is crucial if you’re someone like me. First, confront your negative thoughts {I did this by sharing this post} then counter them with positive affirmations. Seek your validation from within. 

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