5 Things To Ask Yourself If You Are Unhappy In Your Relationship

relationship love

 

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” –Leo Tolstoy.

 

That is one of my favorite quotes of all time because it’s so damn true. We’re all so focused on other people and their actions that we often don’t see our own self-destructive ways. Too many of us try to change the other person because we pay more attention to their faults, and let’s face it, it’s so much easier to see faults in another person rather than in yourself. I’ve heard so many girls say “he’s not worth it, hun” or “he doesn’t deserve you.” Personally, I feel like that’s bottom of the barrel advice but to each their own. And, to be honest, that may be true but it also might not be. I’ve been in my fair share of bad relationships, as have most, and I would constantly place blame rather than looking at my own actions. Why? Because that’s the natural and easy thing to do. Think about it, what douche is going to cheat on a super sweet girl who’s always happy and never questioning what he’s doing? Just that, an f-ing douche is the only guy who would cheat on that kind of girl; and who wants to be with a guy like that anyway? If that’s what happened to you, take that as a blessing, girl! But if you are unhappy in your relationship and you’re asking yourself why, here are a few questions to ask yourself and, hopefully, will help to clarify things.

 

1. Are you placing blame?

Like I said, placing blame is the easy thing to do. You don’t have to take any responsibility and you feel like a saint. I’m here to tell you that 98% of the time you’ve done something as well, whether it’s tone of voice, wording, or maybe just a constant badger. Don’t look immediately to just place blame, try to look at how you approached the situation, maybe there was a kinder way of going about it.

 

 

2. Do you listen?

I feel like this is in every relationship advice column ever if you are unhappy in your relationship and searching, but there’s honestly a reason it’s talked about so much. This one, for me, is probably the most difficult because when I’m mad I just want to say everything and talk above everyone and get it all out and am on defense. I know how tough this is to follow through with when you’re emotional. The truth is, 99% of humans listen only to respond, not with the intent to understand. When you’re able to set your emotions aside and truly put yourself in the other person’s shoes is when you are listening in the right manner. This takes practice every day but with it comes many virtues found in the best of people.

 

3. Are you praising?

 

This sounds a bit old-fashioned, I know. Perhaps there is a better way of wording it but I’ve honestly found that showing your appreciation to your partner {doesn’t have to be anything major} just even a “thank you for treating me to dinner this evening” makes all the difference in the world. Kevin and I praise each other for such minor things daily and I believe it feeds positive energy into our marriage and lives. It makes me feel loved and appreciated when Kevin thanks me for cleaning the house or making a home cooked meal. I tell Kevin how lucky I feel that I have him in my life and I’m sure that raises his confidence level. I obviously don’t do it for that, I do it because I want him to know how much I love him but making the person you love feel great is just an added bonus.

 

 

4. Do you balance your independence?

 

One of the key things to having a healthy and happy relationship is having your own life. If you’re so focused on where he is, what he’s doing, or stalking his social media, you have too much time in my opinion. I get it, the memes about him liking another girl’s picture or befriending a girl on Facebook you’ve never heard of is relatable and comedic but it’s also toxic and self-destructive. When you’re focused on your own thing, trust me, he’ll be the one chasing you. The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.

 

 

5. Are you jealous?

 

Jealously is a form of insecurity and it’s also a form of immaturity in my opinion. I am 100% honest in every single thing I post so I will be the first to tell you, I was the most jealous person back in the day. I was the social media stalker who questioned my BF about every single girl who liked his picture and vice versa. And it destroyed every single one of my relationships. Destroyed like an atomic bomb. This, I think, is the #1 way to obliterate your relationship. I know from experience. Naturally, I grew out of that phase of my life {hence why I say “immaturity”} and now I’m a happy, successful woman with my own life and Kevin compliments my life perfectly, which is how I believe every healthy relationship should be. Find someone who compliments you, not completes you. You need to be complete on your own.

 

 

Bottom line is, when you are kind, driven, and compassionate, your relationship will blossom. Don’t wait for a change from your partner; be the change and the rest will fall into place.

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