“A picture is worth a thousands words”
is a phrase used in common english idiom literature. It refers to the idea that a picture conveys meaning more effectively than a description. And I call bullshit. We live in a generation where we sit behind our screens and scroll through picture after picture judging each person and ourselves while at it. I know first hand that a photo does not convey that person’s feelings or general life. They might be on vacation looking like they’re having an amazing time but in reality that person could just be there for work and pretending.
My pictures show a lot of New York and cute cafes, and one might think I’m out here having the most amazing time. Although I’m certainly enjoying myself most of the time, it’s not 100% accurate. My fiancé doesn’t live here and some days are much harder than others in relation to that. But more than anything, my anxiety has never been higher. I’m naturally a highly anxious person- I wake up stressed with my mind running and sometimes it takes me hours to fall asleep because I can’t stop thinking overthinking. Every day anxiety is one thing, but throw in being here, doing what I do; my anxiety is through the roof. I’ve gotten pretty great at not caring what people think but when it comes to any sort of conflict, I fold. Being in New York has really tested that theory of mine. I work in an environment with a lot of women, and tensions run high more often than not.
Some days I feel like high school was easier than this.
It really isn’t all glitz and glam. And being someone like myself, who struggles with anxiety every day, then being thrown into the wolves den some days, really accentuates that trait.
But with any downfall, there is a silver lining. Since things have happened that have really put my anxiety to the test, these instances have helped me face my fears, as opposed to avoiding scenarios like I normally would, and made me stronger in return. I fully believe in the term “facing your fears.” For instance, one of my biggest fears is heights. I freak out on planes, so much so that I had a panic attack 2 years ago and had to be prescribed with medication each time I fly. Since then I have taken over 30 flights and took my medication less and less each time; as to where now I don’t even fly with it and I learn to face my fear head on. I wouldn’t call myself a “pro at flying” but I certainly don’t lose it like I used to. I believe anxiety is ultimately a fear, but the mind is the most powerful tool you have so once you shift your mindset and learn ways to help you overcome these every day struggles, you’ll learn to live with the anxiety and cope. Just like I’m learning now.